The new profile photo

I am not 'emo' and I am not 'goth', I am this strange out of place mix of goth and emo and light and bubbly.

I have these 'fases' were I am more goth for a period of time, and then I am bubbly for another period of time. Normally something causes me to go from fase to fase. Like there is this guy I really hate and he is comeing down the hallway. If I was laughing my face will instantly chang into a stone cold wall of hate, and when he is gone I might return a bit normal but not totally, it will take me around a half hour to snap out of it. Do you see what I am saying or do you just think I am crazy? Oh, well....

Today was kind of a big crash for me, I had a 18 inch long tube of pure sugar yesterday and today was kind of the crash day. So I am not that hyper today, I basicly did nothing besides eat, sleep, breath, and watch TV. So I am sorry if I seem a bit slow today, because that is because I am...

Okay.... Good-night yall...

Long-Time No Chat

Wow, umm... it is been a long time since I have wrote. Well this is what has happened since I last wrote.

At Amy's Bat Mitzvah Rick and Summer were making-out, and they didn't even know each other. (Summer kissed Rick) Now everybody thinks that Summer is even a bigger slut then she was before. And I don't even know if that is true but you yeah......

I started arguing to a sub about the dress code because I felt like it. And I won the argument.

I found that I was more popular then I thought, because A LOT of people wanted to sign my yearbook.

The school year ended. Me and some of my friends went to Borders then to Paloma's house (one of my friends)

I learned that Paloma had a two day crush on this guy named Micheal Portal. Who was one of the really popular guy's at my school.

And 5 seconds ago I just learned that my Dad told me the wrong new e-mail address, and I gave that wrong e-mail address to all my friends. *sigh* Now I am going to have to send this big e-mail telling everybody what my really e-mail address is...

Okay folks, have a good day!

Shopping!!

Okay, I just came back from shopping (at Ross, they have good stuff there) and I got two new dresses and two new pairs of high-heels (the second pair isn't really as high-heely as the first) for my friend Amy's Bat Mitzvah. Because I was not about to weir the same thing that I wore for Aubrey's Bat Mitzvah to Amy's Bat Mitzvah because you just don't do that...

Anyway, I like shopping as much as the next girl even though I am not a girly-girl, I still like stuff. I know you are not supposed to be attacted to material things. But if we weren't then most marriages wouldn't work. So be glad!

Oh, and I also have the funniest pictures that I need to show you. I had this Drama project right? So me and my partner Ariam were supposed to be zombies, so made the make-up look like I have a black eye, and alot of scars. I have three pictures. And I don't know exactly when I will put them up but they are really cool!!!

Have a good night, drive safely, drink responsibly, AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SOBER DRIVER BECAUSE YOU MOST PROBABLY WILL GET WASTED!!!
~Live. Laugh. Love~
Lyra

Late Night Confessions

I am just so nervous about everything. About school, about tests, about my social life, and even about the dream of ever having a boyfriend.

Lets focous on the last part, about me wishing to have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend was in 3rd grade and my first kiss (like 3 ish and if you don't know what '3' means then go to wikipedia and type ing 'snogging scale') was with that same boyfriend, and when I dumped him I haven't had a boyfriend sense.

Sense we have the basics covered I am going to go more in depth.

I have lots of friends that have guys staring at them, somtimes even follow them places. Yeah, I had one guy come up to me and start talking to me in a different language (and later I found out that he was trying to ask me out) but I even think that was a joke because the group of friends he was with were laughing there heads off when he came up to me. And all the other people that have asked me out were just joking nothing was for real. So it makes me think, does every single guy veiw me as a joke? Am I ever going to be anything other than that crazy ADHD girl? All I want is some guy that is NOT my father to like me. I want a guy to come up to me and ask me out and be SERIOUS about it.

I have a friend who was in a relationship with a guy for 2 MONTHS!! And I can't even get a guy for a day?!? I makes me take all the little comments that people have degrated me with and look at them and ask myself is that I really am like?

I know you will probably say don't be what other want you to be, but it is hard you know? And it is scary to be yourself. Even though the reason why I am more myself then any of my friends is because I have NO ONE to show that I am pretty, or whatever. No guy ever looks my way with that look like man she is pretty. One of the only looks I have gotten from a guy is when that guy thinks that I am not looking, and he looks at me and wrinkles up his nose like he smelled something bad.

I have people every day say somthing about how bad or how greasy my hair looks (even though it isn't). And one time my leg brushed agains my best friends arm and she looked at me and said, "Man, you need to shave more often." I said shut-up, but I was thinking I SHAVED LAST NIGHT!!! OH MY GOD WHAT DOES THIS WORLD WANT FROM ME?!?!?!

That is just some of my worrys but I am going to have to go now because my dad is going to come and check on me in a little while

Dogs and Stuff

Right now I am sopposed to be studying for my Spanish, but I havn't wrote in a while, and I am sorry. Also Mike McEllen is over (he is the guy who gave me my laptop) and I have to take care of his dogs again. Not that it is a BAD thing I was just telling you.

My weekend is packed though (I have to dog-sit from friday to saturday). Saturday I am going to my friend Amy's Bat Mitzvah, and on Sunday I am going to the beach with Rick (my dad's friend) and is ex-wife Martha (which happens to be my moms name) and their daughter (Jessica, 15 ish...) and I THINK their two sons Cody and Brian (both in their 20s or older).

My Spanish Final is Friday I am TOTALLY going to bomb it. I am horrible in Spanish, but I do know how to say bitch, bastard, fuck, and mother fucker in spanish. Isn't that sad? That I barley know how to say "Help! Stop that theif!" but I can (kind of) cuss someone out in spanish.

Okay I have to go my mom is getting suspisous (that is not how you spell it but what ever).... ADIOS AMIGOS!!!

Name

I am also changing my name because of my last post.....

My name is NOT Lyra, you can call me that for now. I just choose the name because I love the triolgy of 'His Dark Materials', and if you don't know what that is then I will give you a hint. The first book name is 'The Golden Compass'.

Brownies

Today, I thought I would do something nice for my mom by making brownies for her because I ignored her when she asked if I wanted to yesterday (and plus today was my parents anniversery).

So I started and when my dad found out that I was cooking he ran to see that I wasn't burning down the house (not that I am a bad cook, it is just that I don't cook often). And keep on looking over my shoulder, that is one thing that I am insane about I HATE people looking over my should it drives me crazy.

I started to get a little mad, and we had this agruement about if the oven doesn't heat up fully. I just said I am going to set the oven by what the box says and my dad went balistic. Just because I did what I thought was the thing that I was supposed to do. I mean I could understand that what I did MIGHT have made him feel ignored but not enough so you go around yelling and kicking stuff.

Then he wouldn't let me cut it when I was supposed to because he thought I would eat some but I wasn't going to and I TOLD him so. So since I didn't cut it got stuck to the side of the pan and I had to hack at them to BARELY get them out, and the ones that I did get out was all deformed. I was made and sad. I was mad because I was going to give some to julie because she had been feeling bad, but the brownies looked so deformed that I would have felt embaresed to take them to Julie. I was sad because that was my first bach of brownies that I have made BY MYSELF and dad screwed it up.

I have to go now, a) because my internet isn't that great b) is because Julie wants to watch "The Great Debaters."

Lonestar/other stuff

oh my gosh I am so nervous about this BIG project that is due tomorrow. I am done with all of it but we are going to present it and THAT is what I am nervous about.

My mom told me to go iron my dress (not a really good idea, because I REALLY don't know how to iron just kind-of ish...) and I think I was doing a good job on it and stuff, but I had the TV on and I get destracted easily. So I was holding the iron but it tipped to far foward, and water spilled all over the carpet. I am thinking Oh, that wasn't a good move, oh well it'll dry. I went back to my attempted ironing. I looked back at the spot on the floor and I looked at my iron and I thought, I better I could dry it up faster if I ran this iron over it. So I did, then it started to smell bad so I stopped. Then I got my collar and started ironing IT. The carpet up there is apparently rather dirty, and I got all this dirt on the collar that I am going to weir for the prentation. So that is what has been happening lately.

Right now my parents are watching this movie called "The Atlanic Ocean", and I don't have any homework because I have finished my lonestar project. So I thought that it would be good to type here. Since I didn't type yesterday, because I finished my Lonestar yesterday.

I say 'so' to much don't I?

Right now I am on my home computer.

I am missing a Spanish test tomorrow because of the presentation. That is VERY good.

I am now bored so I am going to go on Runescape now.

the first blog

i am not going to go on and on about how i have no idea what is going on. That i just created a blog for the heck of it.

I am blogging from my laptop that doesn't really have that great of internet connection, that is why I am here because my computer is being REALLY slow on runescape and I have to do somthing.

Another reason why I thought I would do this is because my diary on that thing called Notebook is getting rather boring, BUT when I can't blog my stuff directly here I will type it there and then later when I get the chance (probably on night, like here).

Things that I have to do to get my blog all nice and fancy (ish) #1 change my username from illie-ma to my name Mattie. #2 fill out that thing that asks you those question thinges if they are not already filled out #3 other stuff that is not coming to mind right now

You might find out that I am a bit strange. I am ADHD even if my parents are in denial even though my therpist proved that I am (yes I actually do have a therpist). But I guess that is good that they are in denial because then my mom would TOTALLY want to put me a Ritalin.

There is a bug flying around on my screen....

Other stuff that you might want to know about me. Urrmmm..... Well.... I am thinking about becoming Wiccan. I am 12 going on 13 (June 16, 1995).... that is all I can think about right now....

Well bye i am going to publish this then get to work on the things that I said I was going to do.

Stupid bug.... IT IS STILL FLYING AROUND ON MY SCREEN!!! it is annoying....