Late Night Confessions

I am just so nervous about everything. About school, about tests, about my social life, and even about the dream of ever having a boyfriend.

Lets focous on the last part, about me wishing to have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend was in 3rd grade and my first kiss (like 3 ish and if you don't know what '3' means then go to wikipedia and type ing 'snogging scale') was with that same boyfriend, and when I dumped him I haven't had a boyfriend sense.

Sense we have the basics covered I am going to go more in depth.

I have lots of friends that have guys staring at them, somtimes even follow them places. Yeah, I had one guy come up to me and start talking to me in a different language (and later I found out that he was trying to ask me out) but I even think that was a joke because the group of friends he was with were laughing there heads off when he came up to me. And all the other people that have asked me out were just joking nothing was for real. So it makes me think, does every single guy veiw me as a joke? Am I ever going to be anything other than that crazy ADHD girl? All I want is some guy that is NOT my father to like me. I want a guy to come up to me and ask me out and be SERIOUS about it.

I have a friend who was in a relationship with a guy for 2 MONTHS!! And I can't even get a guy for a day?!? I makes me take all the little comments that people have degrated me with and look at them and ask myself is that I really am like?

I know you will probably say don't be what other want you to be, but it is hard you know? And it is scary to be yourself. Even though the reason why I am more myself then any of my friends is because I have NO ONE to show that I am pretty, or whatever. No guy ever looks my way with that look like man she is pretty. One of the only looks I have gotten from a guy is when that guy thinks that I am not looking, and he looks at me and wrinkles up his nose like he smelled something bad.

I have people every day say somthing about how bad or how greasy my hair looks (even though it isn't). And one time my leg brushed agains my best friends arm and she looked at me and said, "Man, you need to shave more often." I said shut-up, but I was thinking I SHAVED LAST NIGHT!!! OH MY GOD WHAT DOES THIS WORLD WANT FROM ME?!?!?!

That is just some of my worrys but I am going to have to go now because my dad is going to come and check on me in a little while